I recently finished Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz. Voss worked in the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit for 24 years and held the position of Chief International Hostage and Kidnapping Negotiator from 2003 to 2007. The book is full of great information and would be worth a read just for Voss’ career-related stories. The two major takeaways for me are as follows:
Listening is the most active undertaking – When Voss’ team would be on the phone, negotiating with a kidnapper, they would have as many agents as possible listening to what the kidnapper was saying, how they were saying it, as well as what the kidnappers weren’t saying. Invariably, different agents would pick up on different things and, as a whole, they would have a much better picture of what was going on at the other end of the line. If you aren’t actively listening to your clients, coworkers, friends, and family, you are leaving potentially valuable information on the table.
“No” is good – I found this to be an interesting bit of psychology. Being told “No” isn’t the end of a negotiation. It’s often a sign that progress is being made. Voss makes the point that saying “Yes” to anyone means we are giving up a tiny (or large) amount of control and puts us on guard. Saying “no” has the opposite impact. An example given in the book; “How would you like to make more money?” Who wouldn’t? However, if you were to be asked, chances are your defenses would immediately go up.